August 2019

Holy Shingles!

I fell out of bed a few weeks ago and was having the worst pain ever.  It was so bad one morning that I grabbed some pain gel and rubbed it all over.  I didn’t shake the bottle and got some intense concentrated oils on my skin.  I broke out in what I thought was a chemical burn.  My pain kept getting worse.  In fact it got so severe I was crying and couldn’t sleep.  That might not be a big deal for some but I don’t cry.  My brother made the comment that he has never even seen me cry and when he heard me say I was crying it was extremely weird to think about.  Sad story bro, but anyways back to the pain. I’m definitely not one to the run to the doctor but I know when it’s time to go.  I believe in a healthy balance of eastern and western medicine and this was a time to go.

I get to the urgent care and tell the doctor my falling out of bed story and tell her about the pain gel burn.  I tell her I’m a massage therapist and know anatomy well but I don’t understand any of what’s going on because the pain patterns don’t make sense.  She agrees and asks to see my oil burn.  Her eyes got as big as half dollar coin and she said, “That’s not a burn, that’s shingles! And it’s a really bad case, one of the worst I’ve seen.  You’re in the worst part of it and should have already been on an antiviral.” I was so confused.  I’ve never had chicken pox so how could I have shingles. I also didn’t remember being around anyone that had it and didn’t know how I would have gotten it. Apparently, because I’ve had cold sores, I have that kind of virus in my body and it’s the same virus as chicken pox.  She said high levels of stress bring it on most of the time.  She prescribed pain meds and an antiviral.  Like I said before, I’m not one to run to doctors and pills.  I actually try to avoid it but again, this was the time to embrace western medicine.  A few days later when pain still wasn’t letting up she prescribed a nerve pain medicine to try out.  She also informed me that the nerve pain might not ever go away.  The gift that keeps giving.  Could it be karma?

So here I sit, over three weeks later and on three medicines. This has been a humbling experience to say the least. As a massage therapist you come across a lot of people with high levels of pain.  I’ve been fortunate in life and other than having children haven’t experienced much pain. After labor there’s a reward, you get a baby.  The reward makes the pain not so bad.  Shingles just plain sucks!  Over three weeks of pain and broken sleep is horrible.  Thank God I have my big kids to help with the baby.  Zoe is 19 months old, Devin is 16, Brandon is 18 and Michelle is 20 and away at college but helps from a distance.  Zoe is my wild child and requires full attention all the time. She also got sick the first week of my pain journey.  Zoe has a great immune system and other than two months ago when she got a high fever after a stressful event, she’s never been sick so it was pretty much a nightmare while both of us were jacked up but we’re getting through it.  She was back to her sassy self after about five days.

I’ve reflected a lot through this shingles journey.  The last three months have been stressful! Actually the last three years have been stressful. Thank God for therapy!  My therapist helped me realize that it hasn’t just been three years, it’s been my whole life. I’ve had one event after the next and even though I’ve been in therapy on and off, I’ve never fully dealt with anything because something new was always happening. On the bright side, he says I’ve mastered surviving.  Woohoo!  Is there a badge for that or something?  He’s now helping me on my journey to thrive.  He always asks me how I feel about all of my experiences and comments on how the stories I tell could be made into intense horror movies but I just talk about them like I would talk about walking through the park and stopping to smell the roses. I’m humbled more and more through every experience.  It all makes me very relatable to people and it makes me more and more empathetic.  Not sympathetic though, just empathetic. I laugh with my therapist about the sympathetic thing because while I know not all humans are cut out for a rough journey through life, I still secretly want to throat punch people that whine over a stubbed toe. I never tell them that though.  I am a great listener and always try to treat people with grace and understanding.  I however am not perfect and sometimes fail.  With God’s grace and support I repent, grow and try again.   And sometimes again…